If you look at the title of this blog, heeling, it’s kind of odd. It is not a typo, and please don’t send me to the after school spelling clinic. I tend to listen to my unconscious writing–when I write down “heeling” there must be a reason for it. So let’s go with it—
Heel defined by the Merriam and Webster dictionary, in addition to being part of a foot, a command for a dog, part of shoe, is my unconsicous message: “contemptible person”. Many people come to my office to complain about their heels–the person who has done a wrong or bad deed–drank too much, is depressed, has cheated, has abused etc. The person coming in the door is upset by the acts of their heel and the impact that it has had on them. In fact, many times, the person makes the discovery that they have had many heels in their lives , and the effects of this has lowered their self esteem.
The other group of people who come to my office are the heels themselves. They generally don’t come because they recognized that they are doing bad things. Generally they come because the boss, court or spouse think they need some help for the things that they do.
When the spouse or family member comes to complain about his/her heel, they are usually blaming the heel for their problems. They are looking at how they have been wronged, how they have been hurt, how it’s not fair that this has happened. There is kind of a victim quality–it’s not my fault that my person did this to me. However the major change occurs when the person with great courage, begins to examine what they did that produced their own pain. The person goes from blaming the heel, to healing!!!! This amazing transformation takes the person from an external way of looking at the problem to a more self-directed, self-focused, intraspective way of looking at their own issues. They begin to realize that the way to get better is not by blaming the heel for what s/he did, but examining why I allowed this to happen, what stopped me from communicating, or acting upon situations that I could have changed. Now that’s a great process of change and healing!!!
What about the heels you may ask– Can they go from heels to healers? The simple answer, it depends. Do they have the ability, desire, readiness and motivation to do the same tranformation? Do they want to examine the truth of what they are “accused of”? It’s much easier to be compliant, do what is asked of them, and go home. The best part of what I do is that you never know which people are going to be compliant or which ones will change. What I have seen is that change is an equal opportunity process, any body can do it, but in order to do any type of healing, the person needs to recognize “we have met the enemy and they are us!!!!”