Alcoholism and Codependence

The Signs of Alcoholism

Answer these questions with a yes or no

  • Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but it only lasted a couple of days?
  • Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking?
  • Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in hope that you wouldn’t get drunk?
  • Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
  • Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
  • Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking?
  • Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
  • Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
  • Do you ever try to get “extra” drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
  • Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking anytime you want to, but you don’t stop?
  • Do you have “blackouts”?
  • Have you ever felt your life would be better if you didn’t drink?

If you answered yes four or more times, you might be in some serious trouble.

What is Codependency? (adapted from Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More)

  • Resisting life the way it is
  • Denial of the ability to share a person with others
  • Repression of feelings
  • Compulsive behaviors
  • Lifestyle learned in order to survive

Shared Characteristics of Codependents:

  • Isolation
  • Fear of people and authority figures
  • External approval seeking
  • Identity loss
  • Poor relationship skills
  • Fear of anger, criticism
  • Viewing life as a victim
  • Attracted by perceived weakness in others
  • Belief that they have no choices
  • Shame, blame and guilt make their decisions
  • Addicted to excitement
  • Tendency to love those they can pity and rescue
  • Judge selves harshly
  • Low self-esteem
  • Fear of abandonment, rejection
  • Lack of trust

Rules of Codependents:

  • Do it right. Don’t make mistakes. Don’t tell.
  • Be in control of interactions and relationships. Don’t take risks.
  • Don’t depend on others. Don’t trust others.
  • Don’t feel.
  • Don’t share. Keep secrets. Don’t let others know that things are not okay.
  • Don’t ask for what you want or need.
  • Don’t create attention. Don’t make waves. Or, create a crisis.

Results of Codependency:

  • Unable to distinguish between normal and not normal
  • Unable to judge own strengths and weaknesses
  • Always looking for approval
  • Unable to relax
  • Critical of self
  • Overact to changes
  • Difficulty with intimacy
  • Poor relationship skills
  • Crisis oriented to keep others away
  • Unable to make decisions

You’ve been progressing with your recovery, but something is missing. In fact it seems like you’re going backwards.

Maybe you’re in relapse…Click here to discover the symptoms.