BPD Quiz, from the Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook
Please answer the following questions, putting a check mark by the words that best describes the extent of each problem.
1. Do you find yourself hiding negative thoughts or feelings because it’s easier than dealing with the other person’s overreactions or because talking about problems simply makes them worse?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
2. After you try to explain yourself to the other person, does she use your own words and contort them to prove her own point (usually that you are “bad” or doing something wrong)? Does this person blame you for all the problems in her life (and your relationship) and refuse to acknowledge that her own actions cause problems for other people and herself?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
3. Is his/her temper so unpredictable that you’re constantly on your toes, adrenaline pumping, waiting for the next verbal attack? When you try to calm him/her down, does it only make him angrier? Is it difficult to enjoy the good times because you’ve been sucked in too often and you’ve learned to never let your guard down?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
4. Do you feel as if the other person sees you as either all good or all bad, with nothing in between? Is there sometimes no rational reason for the switch? When you come home from work each day, do you wonder who will greet you at the door: the person who basks in your love or the petty tyrant whose energy supply seems to come from intense, violent, and irrational rages? Does no one believe you when you explain that this is going on?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
5. Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or even lied to sometimes? Does this person attempt to get what they want by making you responsible for their feelings (e.g., “If you don’t let me go to the rock concert, I swear I’ll hate you for the rest of my life.” Or, “Only an ungrateful and selfish daughter would rather stay at school for Christmas instead of coming home.”)
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
6. Does this person seem to demand constant attention? Is everything always about her/him—say, even your personal medical decisions? For example, can your borderline sister manage being at a birthday party when the focus is on someone else? Or will she push through people’s boundaries and ignore good manners by creating a scene that will bring the attention back to her?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
7. Are you afraid to ask for things in the relationship because you will be told that you’re selfish and demanding? Does this person imply, explicitly declare, or show by example that your needs are not as important as his are?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
8. Does this person continually contradict your needs and opinions so he can be the voice of authority? Do you feel that his expectations of you are constantly changing so you can never do anything right?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
9. Are you accused of doing things you never did and saying things you never said? Do you feel misunderstood, and when you try to explain, do you find that the other person doesn’t believe you?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
10. Do other people remark that this other person is verbally and emotionally abusive or encourage you to leave the relationship? If and when you try to leave, does the other person attempt to prevent you from departing by trying to convince you that no one else loves you more or could put up with someone like you?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
11. Do you have a hard time planning social engagements, vacations, and other activities because the other person’s moodiness, impulsiveness, or unpredictability may destroy your plans at the last minute? Do you make excuses for his/her behavior to convince others (and yourself) that this is okay?
__ Not a problem
__ Sometimes a problem
__ A problem half of the time
__ A frequent concern
__ An ongoing problem of great concern
12. Right now, are you thinking, “I had no idea that anyone else was going through this”?
__ Yes
__ No
Now, score your answers for the first eleven questions in this way:
- Not a problem = 0
- Sometimes a problem = 1
- A problem half the time = 2
- A frequent concern = 3
- An ongoing problem of great concern = 4
For the last question, give a ”Yes” 3 points and a “No” 0 points. Now compare your total figure with the corresponding number below:
- A score of 20 or above indicates that someone in your life probably has BPD traits.
- A score of 11-20 indicates a relationship with a “borderline” borderline: someone who may have BPD leanings but who can keep them somewhat in check.
- A score of 11 or below probably means that either the person in your life doesn’t have BPD or is the “quiet, acting-in” type of BP and focuses his problems inwardly (by self-mutilation and attempting suicide) rather than outwardly toward you.